the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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