apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
