I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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