Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
