Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
