i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
