You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
