oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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