thus making me awesome and them whores
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
