shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
