6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
