I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
