So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
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He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
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Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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