Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
