god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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