i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
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I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
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I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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