Betty ford says i'm here all night
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
