To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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