so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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