I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
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God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
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Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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