My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
