Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
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Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.