so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed