small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Dating After Heartbreak
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit