I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom