How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...