and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
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I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
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Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.