it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
