hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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