i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
