a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
