12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
