It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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