So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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