Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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