I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
