Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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