i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
