I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
