We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
there's paper in my vomit.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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