I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My hand turned me down
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
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Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
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No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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