I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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