So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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