I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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