i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Damn victory sex feels great
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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