i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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