i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
