she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
