You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
