$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
