Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
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