Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
