My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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