last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
