Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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