Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
