Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
