Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Come share oat with me in your robe
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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