so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
