in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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