They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
