So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
