New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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