He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
