It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
