i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
