it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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