Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
