As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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