Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
