if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
