man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
